you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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