you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
