You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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