And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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