Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
