Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
