are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
