Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it was like eating out sand paper
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
