I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
