Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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