Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
