I can tuck mytits in my pants
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
