I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
