the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
