I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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