Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
