Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize