I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
