My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
