My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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