enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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