i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
