Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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