Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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