I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
