when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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