I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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