best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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