This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize