you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
