considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
