Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
