Well douche your snatch and let's go!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
