In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Acid is not a monday night drug
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
