Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
