well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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