Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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