We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
