i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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