How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found your dick twin last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
