Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
