chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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