I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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