Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
