i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
