This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
