I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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