Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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