i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
