mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
