so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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