Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
