I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
