I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
