That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As shirtless as possible
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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