You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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