It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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