It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize