New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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