Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
