i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
