The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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