It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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