I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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