you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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