Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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