Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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