I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
